blatherings

blatherings
the shallow side

Still in a pissy mood

I am in a truly miserable mood and have been all day.  I had good plans laid out and one of the people these plans were with didn’t exactly cancel, as just not come.  And S has thing where he waits ‘till I’m COMPLETELY ready before getting ready himself.  We had a bit of a tiff about it yesterday and I just decided that I wasn’t going to nag at him any more.  He’s an adult and I’m not a parent.  There is no reason why “shall we leave around 2.30?” should include “are you going to shower?”  and “could your stop doing XXXX to get dressed?”  and “do you have your keys?”  or any of the other million questions I need to ask before we ever leave.  And as I’m a tardy persona myself, this leads to our being stunningly late sometimes.
 
Now, typically his strange habits for getting ready don’t bother me a great deal.  I mock him for them, and all is well.  But today was a combination of him, being abandoned by the other person I had plans with and just being in a grumpy mood.  Unfortunately, S and I wound up fighting ALL DAY.  We bickered through walking the dog.  We argued while driving to the grocery store.  We didn’t really speak in the store at all.  He went to work. 
 
The woman I wrangle ninjas with is ill, so I’m working for her tonight (right now actually), which is a bit of a pain.  I’d like to be sulking in front of a video game. 
 
But S just came home and kissed me many times.  That helps.  And there are a million minor problems with the tech side of the ninjas, which has hit the ‘getting downright silly’ stage.  This also helps.
 
And tomorrow I have a MA thesis to edit.  Not mine, but still, it should keep me quiet and focused for most of the day.
 
you know, writing this out has calmed me down... nice.
11.4.05 05:42


Sleeeeeeepy

Picked up new sneakers today, as mine were ancient.  It means my run wasn’t much of a run today – my feet hurt too much.  I did have a short run, and did much of it up hill.  I had to chant “kick boxers work through the pain” in order to get up there, but I did manage it.  My ninja team is ill, so I’m working today.  Very sad as all I want to do is curl up with a video and nurse my tender tootsies…  maybe someone wants to come rub my feet?
12.4.05 01:57


the cynic lurks tonight

Today on Oprah, she ended the show by saying, “You are not your mistakes.  You are your possibilities.”


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I guess I’m getting cynical, but doesn’t this suggest that mistakes aren’t possible?  She makes it sound like they are two different things.  It’s possible to make mistakes… I know she’s saying to not focus on the past, but to look towards the future.  sigh.  I really shouldn’t be working tonight.
12.4.05 07:43


what should I do?

So.  Talking with one of the organizers for the release party.  She says that she mentioned it to XXXX and he looked uncomfortable and said “Devon probably wouldn’t want me to be there.”  She looked at him.  He just said it was really complicated and wouldn’t say anything more.  So, she asked me directly.  Well, I say, he thinks that I wouldn’t want him there because he’s now married to my girlfriend of three years.  She asks a couple of questions, I tell her the basics of the story.  Which is that I thought things were fine and then there was lying and then I stopped speaking to her.


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Although, that is now almost a full decade ago.  And the degree to which I care is not quite as intense as it once was.  They’re (apparently) happily married and have been so for some time.  I have had other relationships and am very happy with the one I am in.  She’s happy, I’m happy.  I don’t think everything’s fine – I don’t trust her, am still hurt and don’t want to become friends again. 


 


But I don’t think I’m comfortable with someone avoiding an event I’m at just to make things easier.  Part of me wants to write him a quick e-mail saying I don’t mind his/her presence, esp. if they plan on buying an issue…


 

Or am I being daft?  What do you think?
12.4.05 09:29


my head hurts. I don't want to go to my writing class. I want to take some pills, go to sleep and wake up to find everything better. then, I'll go for a run and maybe watch a movie.
please, make it so.
13.4.05 19:44


how sad

I was all looking forward to changing the look of my blog when school was done for the term, only to realize today that someone else has just changed to the format I was going to change to. Now I’m in a pickle.

It’s nice knowing there is only one assignment left this term, although I also have a handful of strange little things that need to get done as well. Still, by the end of this month, I should be clear ot start French lessons, kick boxing and contemplating a thesis.
14.4.05 18:30


I planned on starting Monday

In between working with the secret ninja death squad, i was looking at stuff about Princess grace. Hence, the picture to your left. What a babe, eh? Tomorrow I start writing my paper on tech-noir. I’m worried, a little. I wanna impress this prof and write a good paper. I know I can, I’m just so used to having to write crap I don’t care about that the idea of writing something good makes me feel a little stunned. You mean I’m not just regurgitating stuff that’s been written a million times before? eeep.
18.4.05 03:49


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