blatherings

blatherings
the shallow side

why do I work this many jobs?

There’s a bunch of stuff I have been meaning to get around to talking about – spelling lessons being at the top of that list, but I’m really out of it after working two jobs today plus doing an hour long run and bike ride there and back.  So I’m going to keep you all on pins and needles.  Or just assure that I am still blogging, unlike some cute and eloquent writers I could name. 


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Oh, and I think KMFDM are coming to Edmonton.  But I’m having trouble believing that a band I want to see is coming here and NOT playing Reds.
13.7.05 06:30


trying to kick it up

When I was at kickboxing last week, the instructor said it looked like I was losing weight.  I said I was trying to run four times a week. And then a little later it occurred to me that I haven’t been trying very hard.  In fact, Sunday and Monday were only walks, and Monday’s was damn short.  So today after working at the dust-bin, I went for a rid before dealing with the ninjas.  I planned for an hour and increased the running time to a two-minute run with three minutes walking.  I handled it all right, but could only do 50 minutes – I was so exhausted after the two minutes up hill that I just walked afterwards.  But I can easily keep two minutes up.  On my bike ride home though I got caught in a rainstorm and peddled like hell to get off the streets.
13.7.05 06:40


it's not all physical

Because I insist on playing the role of a dutiful daughter, not only did I send my mother birthday presents that got to her on time, but I called her that evening. The call went poorly of course. Not that poorly describes it particularly well. Let’s use torturous. I’d been planing on getting a slurpee all evening, so after ending the call, I went for a quick walk and up to Macs. On the walk I was thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve had sour cherry blasters and if they had any, maybe I would pick some up. When I walked into the store, I saw the chip display and thought maybe I wanted some Cheesies. So I bought all three nd it wasn’t until the walk home that it occurred to me that all I really wanted was the slurpee, I was just buying the other junk in hopes of making myself feel better. It made me wonder how often my eating is actually emotional, or if it is because I hear of people doing it, and that made me think it might work. At any rate, I enjoyed my slurpee, ate most of the little bag of Cheesies before convincing myself that I actually didn’t want them, and had a small serving of candy. I don’t hate myself for doing it. I’m annoyed that I have a relationship like this in my life - I want all the toxicity gone but wen it’s tied so closely to me, I don’t know how. I’m really looking forward to kickboxing tonight.
14.7.05 19:15


out on a limb

So, that’s that. I’ve just submitted a story to a lit journal on campus that I am not connected with. It is a story I used for my writing class last semester, although I’ve cleaned up some of the language since then.
15.7.05 08:15


here's a change

Kickboxing tonight didn’t happen. The instructor was unable to make it - she’s dealing with a recurrent injury and won’t be back till September. But Jim offered to teach me how to do weight training. We started tonight and only did back, chest, shoulders and triceps. It was tough - I’m weak, physically. I don't understand how my body is supposed to move. But he’s really patient, has a good sense of humour and is willing to keep teaching me this stuff. So far, what he’s showed me can be done in the weight room of our building, so I can do this at home as well on other nights. Working out with weights was pretty fun - not near as exciting as kickboxing but it is definitely a change from the exercise videos I have at home and will be a nice balance to running Maya.
15.7.05 08:17


happy happy joy joy

I just got off the phone with my friend M from French Camp. M is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, has lead the most interesting life (which she completely dismisses) and is sweet beyond believe. She is also bipolar and struggles with an eating disorder/body image problem that makes me think about Philip K Dick and perception/reality issues.

At any rate, we met last summer, had a great time together but were very busy over this last year - not a lot of e-mail or letter writing on either side. And for some reason we never got into phoning each other. I hadn’t heard from her in a while and with school being done I thought she would be less busy and in not hearing from her, plus concern about her mental health, I got a little worried and called. She wasn’t able to speak long, so we agreed to talk today, which again had to be short, but still, felt like a warm mug of tea on a rainy day.

We spoke a little about school - the greatest pressure of grad school isn’t the work load, its knowing that there are several lifetimes of work out there and you will never know it. You may learn enough to satisfy the requirement of a class, but right now, every time you aren’t working there is part of your brain that says you should be working harder. I dealt with this (especially in my first year) by just not reading anything. At all. Even for fun. She just works as hard as she can and makes herself ill.

We also talked about doing stuff for friends. How sometimes you want to do something and it isn’t really what the friend needs, but you feel helpless and want to do something. How sometimes you do something and it backfires. How sometimes you do something and they take advantage or assume it will keep coming.

I miss her.
15.7.05 18:49


wish it were always like this

Had the best run yet, yesterday.  I was running totally late (having not started my homework till about the time I needed to leave the house) and when I got to Momma Moose’s, we talked about Maya for a while, and her issues with the back door – we had a quick bite to eat and then a quick lesson.  It had started to rain during the lesson, but was still warmish and not a very heavy rain – and she was already wet, so what the hell?  It was brilliant.  I felt strong, I felt fast.  I did the two min run/three walk and it was easy – I went faster than I usually do and therefore went farther along than I usually do.  And because of the rain I stayed comfortable and didn’t worry about Maya overheating.  It was so joyous.


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I was an ice cube on the ride home, but it felt good biking for and hour and running for an hour.  I’m really starting to feel the difference, which makes this feel so much more worthwhile.  I did some yoga before bed, which didn’t really help me sleep, but at least there were no nightmares last night.  I did some more yoga today when I woke up, but my chest was feeling really tight and I didn’t want to over do it.  I walked for half an hour and when I came home I was knackered.  I have to work, or am working now really, but I hope to do pilates before bed tonight.  I’ll run again tomorrow, along with the bike ride and a walk in the evening.


 

I’m actually getting excited about measuring myself soon to see the changes.
20.7.05 03:15


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